You Know You're An Indian If You Do/Say These 15 Things

No matter how far we've travelled from India, in distance or even in our movies, there are certain things that we're programmed to do and say (whether or not we're aware of it) which clearly expresses the Indian-ness we possess. On the top of my head, saving polythene bags because...just in case or demoting an old t-shirt to the position of a pocchhaa (mop) or even worrying about those "4 log" our parents talk about, I mean some of these things don't even make sense but we still do or say or bear witness to them...because that's how Indian we are.

 

 

Now to the keen observer of human nature, yes! the ones who do not belong to this country...these typical Indianisms might cause a chemical imbalance that no medication can cure, whereas for us... these stereotyped mannerisms are a part of the lifestyle we chose not because we were born into it... wait...well, I think that's it. (confused and scratching my head) 

 

My self-realizations aside, if you regard yourself as an Indian here are 15 things that'll make this belief even stronger.

 

 

1. Extraction Of Every Last Ounce Of The Toothpaste

You're not an Indian if you or you're parents don't believe in sucking the life outta toothpaste-tube like a psychopathic serial killer only to enjoy every last bit of the toothpaste left in the tube. It's a battle, yes! but not only it saves millions of dollars we have in our bank accounts but also makes a great workout for our forearms. 

 

2. Cardboard Boxes? Our Store Room Is Full Of It

Hoarding up on cardboard boxes for no specific reason is the kind of cheap thrills we Indians are meant for. And don't be mistaken, these are the same ol' cardboard boxes that bore shield to your beloved television 5 years ago. Are they still there? Why, yes they are!

 

3. Bargaining Is Our Birthright And We Shall Do It 

For every auto-rickshaw you rode in for 20 bucks less, for every dress, you bought at half the actual price, for every fruit vendor you argued with to slash the prices of the apples or oranges; a bright splash of light just beamed through our faces with pride. "Shabaash"

 

4. Life Cycle Of Your T-Shirts At Home

Fast forward to the era when your favourite t-shirt is no longer a viable piece of clothing...it is simply rinsed in the bucket of water and before you know it, the speechless t-shirt is already mopping the floors of your house. But before this inevitable fate hits your t-shirt, you got to wear it on the Holi because there is no way you're allowed to ruin a white kurta/shirt for this festival. No sir. 

 

5. "What's In The Name?" Said Every Mom Ever

This applies to all our sweet and innocent moms who've been calling our dads from all kinds of hells by using a combination of two-syllable words "Sunte Ho" from the past 25 years. Now this designated word vary from house to house but the question remains the same, why won't our mothers call our father's by their names?

 

I mean, if it wasn't for mastering our dad's signature on our answer sheets/report cards, we might have never known his name. Not that I ever did that in school. 

 

6. Who Needs A CCTV Camera When Pados Vali Aunty Is Watching Everything

Forget security guards, forget security cameras or even night-vision goggles, everything seems to fall flat, technology first.. when the telescopic vision of our neighbouring aunty is lurking through every nook and corner of this very-safe colony. Whether you're holding hands with your highschool sweetheart in the gully or just exchanging notes from a fellow classmate at the intersection, she will always be there, WATCHING. And I won't be surprised if years later we discover that she was, in fact, the actual mastermind behind Big Boss. 

 

7. "4 Log Kya Kahenge?"

My first question to every adult who used this line for 100th time today; who are these 4 people? Why haven't they revealed themselves yet? Are they waiting for some kind of clue? Did they not receive their wild card entry pass? Is it a game show or my life?

 

Anyway, parents if you play these lines on a recorder daily for your kids to make a point, stop it. It has gone from being irritating to funny to irritating again.  

 

8. Wedding Shenanigans: Part 1

A videographer at the wedding brazenly zooming onto your face while you gorge on those delicious shahi paneers, gulab jamuns, ice-creams... is the most Indian thing ever. Where was this guy when we're flaunting those killer moves on the dance floor? 

 

9. Wedding Shenanigans: Part 2

The most bizarre thing most Indians do is dance like a snake in front of the groom's mare while others watch and fling money on them. It's the desi equivalent of a strip club except there's no stripping, the man moving like that is a respected relative or groom's BFF and all of this is happening out in the open in front of Baratis. Also, it's always fun to watch. 

 

10. Nobody Loves Soan Papdi

Soan Papdi is no more than a friend-zoned box of Mithai nobody wants to hang out with. It's the first gift that you receive on Diwali and also the last that's left. I for one don't mind Soan Papdi on normal days but on Diwali, I'd rather be surrounded by exciting gift packs of chocolates, dry fruits and other Mithais. 

 

11. Ready...Set...Attack!

Waiting for the guests to leave because that is when the real game begins? Yes, the one where...stuffing our faces with every last bite of those tasty snacks left on the plates is unmatchable and the cravings satisfied is quite unreal. 

 

12. Sharma Ji Ka Beta Be The Best

If I hear "Vo Dekh Sharma Ji Ka Beta Toh Engineer Hai Top Company Mein" I'll kill myself or set the Sharma Khaandaan on fire. Look, if we analyse the situation statistically; "Sharma" turns out to be the most common last name in the history of family names and it is highly unlikely that all the sons born in Sharma Ji's house are quality products. Because if that was the case, 50% of the Indian population would've been A-class of humans which again isn't happening. So there!

 

13. How Do You Know It's Not A Power Cut?

By simply going out on the balcony/terrace to check if Sharma Ji's (or any random neighbour) power is still on. We don't believe in disturbing the good people at Power companies instead we depend on our neighbour's electricity. That's how Indian we are!

 

14. If You Don't Study, You'll Be A Janitor!

Indian parents don't care what lies in the middle, either their child will be an engineer, doctor, etc. or his career will head straight to Janitor-ing. Either you'll be a science or commerce student... or nothing because humanities is a joke. 

 

15. Cricket!

Last but not the least; cricket. Every Indian might not be a fan of cricket or watch this sport daily but if it's India v/s Pakistan or for that matter, any major World Cup Tournament; all the eyes are fixed on the TV and then there are fireworks once we win. It's a whole other national-level-ki-party.

 

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To list a few more would take me a whole other lifetime, so I'd stop here because if you know you know!